To Blog Or Not To Blog?

Blogs, Or weblogs to give them their proper name seem to be the in-thing at the moment, and I`m sure that in time this will make good business sense.

At the very least it will allow people to explore my mind a little and let me know whether I`m a misguided fool or a man on a mission.

Monday 31-1-05 The month has flown, All the new ideas I had haven`t even begun yet, seems there is never time to make them happen. I find that frustrating, My best time seems to be the early hours when everyone else is asleep, all fired up, raring to go, Then morning comes and all my plans fall to dust. Personally I think I`m doing to much, and have to admit I am the worlds worst at time management.

Also addictive personality? Everything I do I do 101%, fully focused, which is great if you only have one event happening in your life, But for us that never climb a mountain or bungee its a pest, Even my computer multi-tasks better than I.

Think I have always been this way, or have I, Thats a question to me, I used to have two high street shops, My business was the sale and installation of Security Systems and CCTV, Good business I was the first to have such shops allowing people direct access and lets face it a play with all this equipment. It was hard work, but it was good. That was 1998, early on, later on in 1998 my first son was killed, 19th of July to be exact, Left home, Got a flat, There was a fire and he was gone. I have to say that quick, its easier, But he was my first son, he was my future, everything I do, I do for my kids, and to lose one, for any parent is the worst thing ever, I need to mention also That my first daughter died, Leanne, My sons name is Simon.

After the loss of my son I changed, turns out for the better, but at the time wasn`t good. was ok for awhile whilst everyone needed me, Then they moved on and suddenly there I was with no-one to look after. I`ll be honest, became ugly, Remember one road rage incident where if the guy had left his car I would have have lost my freedom, Looking back now I had survivors guilt, and the pain I felt was looking for an outlet, Became so bad I had to leave home, leave my family, get a place where I could be alone, I would never have hurt my family, but all the platitudes from other like; " I know how you feel" etc where driving me insane. Anyway enough of that, But those memories will resurface again in this log, I have no shame or embarrasment about my feelings, So? they will come out again at some time.

Ok? Heres me complaining about time etc, better get on.

Sunday 13-2-05

Sat here at my desk, Things I`m looking at are;

Various Trade receipts
Postal Slips
This weeks orders
Packet of extra mints
Gillette Body Spray
An extendable Tai-chi sword
17p
Tape measure
Lots more stuff but of no value.

Got into this business quite by accident, It was really the fault of my dentists and some magazine, Possibly Bella, Quite like that one, Love the agony Aunt page, Thick questions Like;

Came home today and caught my girlfriend in bed with my best mate, What should I do?? Well? unless your best mates a girl, which kinda eases the pain I guess,,,,, You know its funny?, I was actually going to write a suggestion there, Then I remembered something similar happening to me, It is kind of a gut wrenching moment, one when you either go nuclear or quiet, When time seems to stop, well at least it did for me, My biggest sorrow??? Not checking the bloody door was locked, anyways back to the reason, So, there I was at the Dentist, Reading a magazine, so people couldn`t see the look of sheer terror on my face, when I spied an advert, one of those Franklin mint ones, 24 mini swords, £25 quid each, one a month for two years, filled it in and sent it off, I`ll be quick here, first 6 came, got bored never bought another, Then it transpires my Gran had a bayonet in her loft from world war 2, I collect knives right, surely I would want it? oh yea, Then its my Birthday, Kids wanna buy Dad something nice, uuuummmm, ok, it was a knife, and there I was Branded as a pshycopath (Is that spelt right??? Phsycopath???) Correction Phsycopath, Just to leave the subject for a second that reminds me off a joke, Theres this A road sitting at a bar having a drink, This Motorwway walks in and says "I`m well hard me, Two 6 foot Shoulders, 48 foot chest, Well Hard, Goes over to the A Road and drinks his drink, just then the door opens and in walks a strip of green tarmac, Motorway sits in a corner quietly till he`s gone, Barman goes up and says "why didn`t you bother him?", Motorways says "Fuck off, He`s a Bloody Cyclepath him".

So there you are I`m not a collector, expert, Martial artist etc all in one go, Wish I`d known years ago, would have increased my street cred.

4 Weeks ago, Our Grand-daughter died, She was 7.5 months, and died while my son and his partner were having a check up, Thats 7.5 months in her mummys tummy, if I didn`t make that clear, Its spooky because thats exactly how we lost our daughter, Never thought it would happen again, not in this family, and certainly not to my son, Beginning to think we have been through enough, But its all part of life I guess, makes me even more thankful for the children we have.